Saturday, September 16, 2017

How to help Our Children Deal with Forgetfulness

Someone once told me “I have a 9-year-old boy who is so forgetful in nature. When I asked him to bring notes from school, he forgets them. He forgets his homework, he forgets he has a test and plays all day long. I talked to his teachers and we agreed to communicate using a communication book but he keeps forgetting this book in school. I feel lost and I do not understand why he is so forgetful in things that are important especially as regards his education; but he remembers his computer stuff well”.

Unfortunately a lot of us parents are in this situation and are wondering what we can do about it, especially now that these children are moving to a higher class. We feel their ability to remember things should have improved.
The truth is that children between 6 and 8 years are expected to remember everything from daily chores which are routine in nature to what they learn in class. When sent on an errand they should be able to remember and carry out the task with dispatch. They ought to be independent especially with their ability to remember things.

As parents we want to help our children overcome this challenge, so we adopt so many unfruitful means to achieve this. We keep asking ourselves how do i help my child? Below are ways we could help our children to overcome their forgetfulness.

1.       Don’t use the negative words on your children, use positive words
Delete the word 'forget' from your vocabulary and use 'remember' instead. Instead of saying “So you forgot your notebook again”, say “I expected you to remember the notebook”. Always use the word ‘remember’ instead of ‘forget’.

2.       Reward desired behaviors especially when the child got it right
As parents we have to find something our children remembered and reward them. Reward does not necessarily mean a gift, it could also be a word of affirmation for example “It’s great you remembered to bring this home today, well done”, “I’m proud of you for remembering to bring this home today”. Avoid sarcastic comments and criticism such as “you should have left in in school.”

3.       Teach your child to remember
According to Danny Heimann, “The opposite of forgetting is writing down”. So we have to help our children learn the act of witting down what they need to do. That is teaching them to write a to-do-list. Go over the list on a regular basis. We should also encourage them to use whatever they like to achieve this purpose. For example using a computer to design a to-do-list.

4.       Teach them remembering Strategies
Show them various things they can do that will help them not to be forgetful, for example using stick on papers to remind themselves of activities they need to carry out.

5.       Consequences
Allow your children to face the consequences of forgetfulness, don’t bail them out. For example, don’t quickly help your child to do his homework early in the morning, allow him to face punishment in school.

As parents, we have to help our children realize that remembering is an active process. Being able to remember things will make our children feel smarter and more confident and thus able to handle life issues that may face them at any point in time.

(By Adebowale Ajose)

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

How to Harness Your Children’s Sexual Energy

How to Harness Your Children’s Sexual Energy

Sex is the driving force that makes a man do anything. All great men of genius and power used their sex drive as fuel.

It is important to note that the process of turning sexual energy and aggression into productivity is called: TRANSMUTATION OF SEXUAL ENERGY.

Sex transmutation is the most powerful tool in existence when it comes to creation, invention, accomplishment, creativity, advancement, and achievement.

Napoleon Hill talked about the Transmutation of Sexual Energy in his book *Think and Grow Rich.* In the book, he noted that all men of genius used their sexual energy as fuel for their creativity. He also noted that Love must be included in the sex relationship.

 “Sex, alone, is a mighty urge to action, but it's forces are like a cyclone-they are often uncontrollable. When the emotion of love begins to mix itself with the emotion of sex, the result is calmness of purpose, poise, accuracy of judgment, and balance.”

So the love of a good woman is absolutely essential.  Don’t be surprised when our child gets attracted to a girl, it is just normal. We just need to train them to transform this to positive and creative actions.

It is important to note that every time you use an indoor toilet, cook your food on a stove, turn on the air conditioner on a hot day and get food out of your refrigerator you are enjoying the benefits of men who used their sexual energy in a productive way. So we can get our children to direct their energy to achieve positive result like the one mentioned above.

The process of harnessing sexual energy is a complex and this process is influenced by age, gender, health status, diet, culture and environment. Therefore these are important in achieving this process.

So How can we help our children:

1.  Engaging our children in Vigorous exercise and sporting activities on a regular basis will help them to be creative.
2.  Ensure they are not in areas where they can be sexually stimulated.
3.  Avoid television programs, magazines and social medium which could arouse them sexually.
4.  Ensure they dress modestly
5.  Teach the children to meditate and redirect their thoughts, this will be helpful whenever they have any negatives thought.
6.  We should  Engage our children in artistic, cultural or serviceful activities to re-direct their creative energy to a higher level.
7.  Give them books to read ensure this books will give them a direction in future and gear them towards their most dominant thoughts.
8.  Give the child equipment to help him turn his energy into reality, for example If a child is good with graphics, get him his own laptop, engage him in coding skills

These are ways we could help our children channeled their energy, channeling this energy has more creative power than the one that is left to be dissipated by negative peer pressure.

Sexual energy is God’s creative energy manifesting at that reproductive and sexual level. It has variety of ways to express itself. Without it, we would be dull and lifeless.

The question is how to channel it. We don’t need to be afraid of it as Its strength is second only to our impulse to remain alive and survive (survival instinct)! It is a gift therefore we have an opportunity at every stage of life to channel this gift creatively and use it for service to our community.

How To Handle Hyperactive Kids

How To Handle Hyperactive Kids

As parents our ability to cope with hyperactive children can be tough. Hyperactivity in children is a form of a defect known as Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). ADHD starts in children from around 2 or 3 years old, but may not be noticed until the child is more advanced I.e. around 6 or 7 years.

How can we spot hyperactivity in our children:

Hyperactive children have difficulty in listening to or following directions.

They can’t sit back in their seats. They move around a lot.

They talk too much, or interrupt other people’s conversations.

Hyperactive children fail to follow instructions, or do a step-by-step routine.

They are impulsive, overenthusiastic and bouncing with energy.

They can easily become worried, frustrated, angry, and sad.

Hyperactivity is related to the child’s brain and so the best way to handle hyperactive children is to make them relax and take things one at a time. So, we need to help hyperactive children pay attention, focus better, and be less hyper.

Channel their energy

Find a way to vent their energy and calm their minds. These Children need to run around and play a lot. Invest in classes which help them use up their energy, physical activity, and soothe their mind.

Talk to your them in a simple manner

We must give these children complete attention and listen to their concerns, interests, and fears. We can also get them to make to-do lists and break down the instructions given to them.

Help them deal with their feelings

Children with hyperactivity find it difficult to handle anger, sadness, and worry. Help them to deal with their feelings and tell them what is good and what is bad.

Make them relax

Minimize distractions and TV time. Take them out to parks. Be patient with them and be determined to calm them, and help them put their high energy levels to good use.

Help your Child to be Flexible

Teach them to be disciplined and at the same time pay attention to giving them some flexibility too. Make sure he knows when you mean discipline, it is purely business. Do not make your relationship with your child centered around instructions and orders.

How to Control a Hyperactive Child: Behavioral Tricks that Work

Make sure the child is getting a breakfast with whole grains and a little protein.

Limit the amount of sugar the child is getting.

Have the child evaluated for food sensitivities/allergies. (Gluten in particular can be a culprit in hyperactive behavior.)

Make sure that any consequences you give are consistent and reliable.

Don't escalate the problem by getting visibly angry.

Never yell-but instead lower your voice when speaking.

Below are Games and Activities to Keep Children With Hyperactivity Busy and Motivated

Karate/Martial Arts To Channel Energy

‘Karate’ means empty handed.

When kids learn karate, they do different postures and ways to channel their energy. It also helps them to concentrate and calm their minds.

Building confidence, learning to focus, and developing enhanced coordination are just a few of the benefits of martial arts for hyperactive kids.

Outdoor sports for Constant Activity

Outdoor sports like football, basketball and running are great activity for hyperactive kids as there is no standing around time in these games.

Children will be constantly moving and using large muscle groups, keeping them focused and energy-drained. They also learn about team spirit, sportsmanship, and competition.

Use Music to Calm their Mind
Music is a great way to unwind after school. Music exercises both sides of the brain at the same time. Thus, calming the brain, which in turn makes your kids multi-task and store information better.

It also helps the children to be team players.

Swimming for Self-Discipline

Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps was diagnosed with (ADHD) at the age of 9. He took up swimming to master a sport and vent his energy. It helps children develop self-discipline and burn calorie.

Theater for Creative Engagement

Drama or theater is a creative activity to engage the hyperactive kids. It needs practice, co-ordination, sharp memory, stage confidence, and people skills. It helps the kids to take personal challenges ,and hone their public-speaking skills.

Nature trips to Soothe the Body

Nature has its own ways to soothe a hyperactive child. Trekking is a great way to release their high energy.

Thinking Games

Games like scrabble, chess and monopoly are great exercise for brain. They are good options to engage hyperactive children as they make them sit in one place and concentrate.

These games are ideal for children with short-attention span and high energy to build their confidence and interest.

By Adebowale Ajose

Wednesday, April 12, 2017


Negotiation is a discussion  aimed at reaching an agreement. A dialogue between two or more people or parties intended to reach a beneficial outcome.
In any negotiation scenario, individuals aim to achieve the best possible outcome for their position; however a skilled negotiation should seek mutual benefit and maintaining a relationship. That is a successful outcome we should all seek.

The point of negotiation is to try to reach agreements without causing future barriers to communication. For every negotiation to be successful and lasting, both parties must feel they have won.

Developing good negotiation skills is very vital for the children as they have lifetime deals ahead of them.

Negotiation is a skill we use every day. Win-win negotiation skills are not inborn; it is something we have to learn.

We live on a planet of limited resources so we have to share. As parents, we need to recognize the value of teaching children negotiation so they can have access to these resources they need to succeed in life.
We are continually negotiating with our children, selling to them the family cultures against the negative peer influence.

Learn the skill of negotiation.

·         Be a good example.
·         Create situations where children can learn to negotiate.
·         Realize the need for them to resolve their own issues. (Violence, emotion, blackmail is not acceptable).
·         Praise them to build confidence.
·         Teach them that mistakes are inevitable; the most vital thing is the ability to pick oneself up and move on.
·         Don’t blame your child for not winning.
·         Separate the dispute from your child.
·         Focus on finding a shared interest.
·         Invent and create options for mutual gain.
·         Insist on using objective criteria.
·         Develop your best alternative to a negotiated agreement.

Learn and use better negotiation skills this holiday. Win these treasured ones over with better deals than negative peers can offer.